that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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