Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize