Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
