Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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