I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
