I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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