I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
