I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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