Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
