we made out on top of his cat.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
