Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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