i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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