Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
