I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize