The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
