I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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