he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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