woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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