Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
