That's intense
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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