come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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