I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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