I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
