Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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