I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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