ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
