Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize