nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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