this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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