I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
