He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
