soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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