hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
