I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
well you can't waste a boner
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
