just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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