He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
