I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
