I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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