So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There's always time for handjobs
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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