his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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