I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
