I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Randomize
