i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
