The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
