we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
