Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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