So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
