so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
