Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
