Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
