The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
