thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
