You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
