i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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