he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
