I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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