I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
