I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
