New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
