3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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