You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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