Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
