The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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