And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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